X Men

On the 1^st December we begin our first week of Advent. Advent is a time of expectant waiting for the coming of Christ. This includes celebrating his coming over 2000 years ago as a baby born in Bethlehem and also Christ’s coming again at the end of time.

In preparing our theme for advent we bounced around a whole lot of ideas including “Putting the ‘X’ back into Xmas” (X is the first letter of the Greek Xristos – meaning Christ - and has been used since the earliest days of Christianity as an abbreviation for Christ; and in fact the abbreviation Xmas was first introduced centuries ago by Christian scholars) or “The X-Factor”; but settled on “X Men - Days of Christmas Past”.

This is a take-off from a movie that will come out in 2014 called “X-Men Days of Future Past” based on the comic book version written in 1981. For those who don’t follow the X-Men series it is the story of people who have mutated genes that give them extraordinary powers. The people we will look at throughout Advent didn’t have extraordinary powers but they did play a significant role in preparing us for the coming of Christ – they were truly X (Christ) men. As we allow Isaiah, Zechariah, Joseph and Simeon to speak to us, I pray we will become more open to allowing the Holy Spirit use us in making Christ known to others.

During this Christmas season there are numerous opportunities for you to invite your pre-Christian friends to participate in fun, friendship and faith. Our Carols night on the 8^th Dec will be very family friendly; the Fishers of Men dinner is a great opportunity to invite your pre-Christian friends to be involved in serving others; and our Christmas Eve and Christmas Day services will call us to the centre of all things – Christ our Lord.

Don’t come alone this Christmas – bring your friends and help them experience the gift of God’s love – Christ.

Yours in Christ

Graham Keech

Caring Well

“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” (1 John 4: 7-8)

This verse and so many like it in the bible have been the inspiration for our series on “Caring Well”. There is only one true expression/test of genuine spirituality and that is love (see also 1 Cor 13).

On Sunday the 3^rd November, Graham Hill presented this diagram as a model for understanding the different dimensions of care: 

I found this incredibly insightful and helpful.

On Sunday the 10^th November, I shared that for me the twin skills of listening well and asking helpful questions are the “wings that fly the plane of love”.

People feel incredibly accepted when they are listened to: “Being truly, seriously listened to feels like a welcome and precious gift” (Mackay H. 2010, “What makes us tick? The ten desires that drive us.” Sydney, NSW: Hachette; p. 29).                                                        

To love well ultimately means seeking what is best for the other and this happens when we listen well and ask open ended questions that invites the other person into a journey of discovery.

Listening well and asking helpful questions also ensures that whatever practical help we offer is truly an expression of love that does what is best for the other and not simply what we think they need.

Below are 2 simple exercises that you can practice with your spouse, friend, children, in your life group etc. When we practice these skills we are better prepared at the right time in conversations to reflect back what we are hearing in a way that is empowering to the other; and/or to ask the right question at the right time that helps them indentify God’s grace at work and a possible way forward for them.

1. Set aside 10-15 min. Agree that one person will speak and the other person will reflect back as best they can what the other person is saying.

Begin by asking: “What is impacting you most at the moment and how does that make you feel?”

From this moment on you can ONLY reflect back what the other person says and perhaps ask one of the following 2 questions: what else is happening for you? OR how does that make you feel?  

DO NOT COMMENT, PROBLEM SOLVE, OR DO ANYTHING OTHER THAN REFLECT BACK WHAT YOU HEAR

When the person seems to be finished ask them: “What is the most important thing you would like me to remember from this conversation?”

My wife and I regularly engage in this exercise and find it creates a sacred space of honouring the other. I have also found by doing this I am better able in conversations with others to, at the right time, reflect back something significant I have heard and in doing so watch the other person’s eyes light up because someone has listened and understood.

2.      2. Set aside 10 to 15 min and agree that one person will speak and the other will ONLY ask open ended questions (How...? What...? In what way...?) The person speaking simply begins talking about their day and the one listening asks questions that seek to explore more about the day and what was happening for the person in the events that happened - What drew them closer to God? What moved them away from God? etc.

DO NOT PROBLEM SOLVE, OR DO ANYTHING OTHER THAN ASK QUESTIONS

 As a listener don’t be afraid of silences in this exercise. If you get stuck simply acknowledge that and say to the person “I am not sure what to ask next – what would be helpful for you to explore further...?”

When I do this exercise in groups I often put people in 3’s. The third person observes and at the end of the conversation reflects back what they saw happening; which questions were closed or open; which question/s led to the most energy or insight from the other person etc. People then swap roles until each has had a turn.

Whilst asking open ended questions that invite discovery sounds easy; my experience with the above exercise is that all of ask more closed questions than we realise. Closed questions are not wrong and people rarely answer them with a yes or a no. If you observe closely, however, you will notice that the answer given to a closed question stays on the surface and rarely goes deeper into discovery.

Doing these exercises may at first seem strange but I can guarantee they will be life giving; AND you will be better equipped to love well. Loving well more fully honours God and blesses others than anything else does.

Have fun

Graham Keech